Having an email box can be pretty entertaining. The thrill of opening my email, not knowing what, if anything, I'm going to find inside will probably never really get old for me. I was always one of those kids who got excited when the mailman showed up, despite the fact that I never really got anything in the mail.
But now through the magic of technology, I get so much stuff in my email that I can hardly stand it. And by "hardly stand it" I mean I'm getting so I hate to open my mail. The amount of spam in the world is alarming at best, downright depressing at worst. This fantastic medium of communication - the information superhighway, the new economy, the illustrious changer of life as we know it - has, as you well know, been reduced to a conduit for crap. It's the favorite medium of advertisers and lunatics. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.
Now, I could waste time being morally outraged that we have transformed a network of free-thinking people into a conduit for Viagra commercials, but I'm more upbeat than that. I try not to let it get me down, although I do spend more time deleting mortgage refinance offers and stay-at-home job gimmick proposals than I do actually reading and responding to real email.
Plus, and I have to be brutally honest here, I'm laughing too hard to be outraged.
Occasionally a real gem comes through. Something so completely off the wall and unexpected that I just laugh and laugh, and wonder what I did in a past life that got me on that guy's email distribution list.
One of these giggle-fests arrived this week, and I just had to share it with you. Here it is, in it's entirety, and with (of course) my running commentary.
To: goddess@delatore.com
From: wjwofriend
Subject: you are warned saukx
You know when the From line includes a name like "wjwofriend" that you should probably just delete the whole thing right off the bat. And hello, "saukx"? Is this going to be a dirty email? I think my curiosity on that front is pretty much why I opened the thing at all. Though the dirty emails are usually a lot more blunt than "saukx".
Those who want to leave for the Netherlands to carry on any kind of education,including for PhD, must be careful.
Well, this is good advice for anyone going anywhere to do anything, actually. Be careful. Good. Got it.
Especially the university of Groningen(RUG) should be avoided.
Isn't the university of Groningen where that guy who draws the Simpson's went?
This university was once a good one but now it has lost its reputation.
I love the idea that a university could lose its reputation - possibly by running around with a bad crowd of correspondence schools and being pressured into giving tests too soon. But as we all know, sometimes catty community colleges talk behind your back, so you can't take their word for it. I'd like to see some hard evidence of wrongdoing before I condemn.
For example,
Oh good.
you can not find accommodation, the university fees are too high, and the education is bad.
Whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Skippy. Let's dissect this. You claim that I can't find accommodation, but I wasn't trying. In point of fact, I get the feeling that you yourself cannot find accomodation. Please don't go all second person on me like that. It sounds so accusatory. Now as far as your inability to find a place to stay goes, did you call ahead? It's a busy time in the Netherlands. You have to do some planning. The only one you really have to blame is yourself, methinks, and this is just a bit of lashing out, isn't that right?
As for your assertion that "the fees are too high", I have to ask compared to what? Did you not know how much tuition would be before you enrolled? Again, this seems to be a misery of your own making. Not doing your research has come back to haunt you and now you're pushing the blame onto someone else. Search deep inside yourself, and ask if you're really being fair.
And then there's my personal favorite, "the education is bad". Way to win a debate, Mr. Lincoln-Douglas. "The education is bad" is not an example sir, it is a statement.
So to sum up, thus far you've said that this university used to be good, but now it's not, and it's not good because it's bad. If you're majoring in debate, you have a long way to go. No points for trying.
Not to forget the bad treatment strangers get from most of the dutch people.
Oh heavens no. We wouldn't want to forget that. Except for the part where it's not true at all! I've been to the Netherlands and a nicer bunch of people I couldn't find anywhere in Europe! I think it might have had to do with all the drugs. It's a very mellow country and I suspect that's because everyone is either high or has a contact buzz.
As they deceived us by their sweet words we have the moral obligation to warn you.
BWAAHAHAHAHAHAA! So what you're saying here is that you believed everything you were told, didn't do any research yourself, got ideas into your head of what things would be like, and now that things aren't exactly as you imagined them, you're blaming the school. Am I close?
Beyond that, what's all this about a moral obligation? I mean, come on, if you picked a school that you don't like now that you're actually on the campus, that's a bummer and I feel for you, but you don't have any moral imperative to broadcast your dissatisfaction to the world at large.
I do, however, have a moral obligation to mock you sans mercy.
We have made a big mistake by coming to Groningen so do not let them take advantage of you.
Ahhhh. OK. Now I get it. Someone's pissed off at their RA and wants to bad-mouth the whole university.
For the same amout of money you have to spend in Groningen university you can get much better education in a famous university such as Oxford, Cambridge or even Harvard university.
And you know that how?
I'd like to point out that you have to be accepted by Oxford, Cambridge or even Harvard, and having seen your writing skills, I seriously doubt that's possible for you. Which is why you're stuck in the Netherlands (not to badmouth the Netherlands in any way, but clearly, this guy isn't thrilled about being there).
Besides they will treat you nicely and give you the feelings that you are welcome.
Second verse, same as the first. How do you know this?? Do you have smarter friends at Harvard? And they still talk to you?
That wouldn't be such a ringing endorsement of Harvard if true...
Studying is a good investment in time and money.
For some of us. Others...not so much.
So invest in the right place and time. You are warned.
And boy howdy, am I thankful that you took the time to warn me! I was seriously considering further education at Groeningershlabwhosis's university, but your thought provoking exposé surely has saved me much disappointment and heartache.
Sincerely yours,
And that's it. It leaves me hanging. It's a sincere letter, but not signed.
I'm at a loss as to how to explain this email's presence in my inbox. I have expressed no interest whatsoever in continuing education anywhere, let alone the Netherlands. I've done no research recently on the Netherlands, signed up for nothing even remotely related to this school, that country, or anything having anything to do with anything addressed in this email. It's a case of someone just spamming everyone whose email address they could get their hands on.
But for what purpose, I wonder? What does someone who write such a missive hope to obtain? What is wjwofriend's ultimate goal? To shut down the school? To reduce enrollment? To pay back a professor who graded poorly?
I'm mystified. But, I've been warned, and if I ever decide to visit or attend the university of Groningen(RUG), I will seriously consider Oxford instead.
I suggest you do the same.
- KNP, Oct 4, '02
