03/16/2006: "One way or another"

Tomorrow, Friday, is our 8th grade field trip. It's been a disaster from the start and we haven't actually gone anywhere yet. I have little to no faith that this event will be held together by anything but spit, tape and hope. If we're lucky - if we're very lucky indeed - that will be enough, because it seems to be all we have.

See, the whole thing began in September when I agreed to arrange this whole fiasco. I didn't, obviously, think it would be a fiasco at the time, but it became one quickly enough. I made the reservation for our 375 person group online, no problem. 375 people for one performance of The Wizard of Oz in San Francisco, please! Coming right up!

A few days later, I got a phone call from the Half-Assed Production Company. "We can't accomodate your group of 375 people in that theater" said they. Why they accepted the reservation I cannot explain except to say that Half-Assed Production Company must have a half-assed online reservation system. "OK," said I, only slightly annoyed, "What can you do for us?"

"We can take you on March 22 in San Jose," replied they, only sort of condescendingly.

"Alright," agreed I. "Sign us up."

So we were set. 375 people going to San Jose on March 22. In early November I arranged the permission slips, got ready to send them to the printers and...

I got another phone call. "We are changing the date of our San Jose performance!" declared they! So cheerful!

"Change? The date?" I asked.

"Yes. Your performance will be on March 17th," said they.

"Um. The hell??"

So I screamed. Loudly. About permission slips and about confirmations that had been sent. About incompetence and planning. About deposits and... and why the hell was the date changed anyway??

"We didn't have the venue reserved when we took reservations... now we do but the original planned venue listed in the mailing wasn't available on that day. Oh, also? The play will be at a different venue than the one in the pamphlet."

Smoke was visibly pouring out of my ears, I'm certain. A ruckus was definitely raised by me. A huge ruckus. A very loud ruckus. A ruckus that apparently scared the lady on the other end of the line. Because I pointed out that taking reservations for a performance that you didn't even have a theater for seemed fraudulent to me and that I would be certain to contact every teacher in my district and inform them about Half-Assed Production Company's actions on our behalf.

So she said she'd call me back.

When she did call me back the next day, she informed me that while nothing could (or would) be done about the venue and date changes, Half-Assed Production Company would be taking half off the remaining balance of our tickets! Isn't that great? Aren't we kind?

Woop dee friggin' doo. After a few more pointed words, we parted ways.

Well.

Fast forward a month. I was beginning to hear rumors that there were conflicting field trips on March 17. That the choir kids would be going on their annual Disneyland trip that weekend, and that the band kids would be at a performance at one of the local colleges. My stomach turned over. It was all true. 375 attendees for the Play from Hell wasn't quite what would be able to attend. About 100 kids would be alternately engaged on March 17, and the 10 chaperones that would have accompanied them. That's a lot of kids, and a lot of money to have to eat for a public school.

So then the negotiations began. Could we take any 6th and/or 7th graders? Could we make arrangements with another middle school in the district? Could we sell tickets to other classes? What were the options?

We settled on taking selected students form 6th and 7th grades. None of those kids came with their own chaperones, so we have to make do. I have 30 of my own students attending this field trip, for example (the rest are on the band trip or in Disneyland, the lucky sods) but I'll have another 10 kids I've never laid eyes on. Tracking them will be a joy.

Then there's the bus situation.

Because of the date change, I didn't get busses until fairly late in the game. Too late, it seems, because the only 4 busses we could arrange (and that's going to be a tight damn squeeze) are only available at 9:15 am. The play, it should be noted, begins at 10 am. In San Jose. We are in Union City. Those of you Bay Area denizens who frequent this site? You know we have to take 880 south to get to San Jose.

It could take us hours to do that.

And thus began the frantic calls (by me and another teacher) to Half-Assed Production Company and to the theater to try to inform them that almost 300 people WOULD, in fact, be attending this Play from Hell but that we MIGHT WELL get caught in traffic and could they DEIGN to hold the performance a few minutes if we were? We would call, from the bus, if we WERE, in fact, going to be late, but, you know, this was a heads up?

They weren't exactly receptive to the idea. I think the exact wording I got was, "We do have a second performance at noon, you know."

"But the one I'm worried about starts at 10 am. And is only supposed to be 70 minutes long. So, I know I don't teach math but it seems to me that that provides a 50 minute interval. Would it really be impossible to cut that to 40 minutes and start the 10 am performance at ten after IF we're running late? Since the date got all changed on us and all?"

No love. No agreement. No nothing. Thanks Half-Assed Production Company (whose real name I will happily give you if you email me or ask for it in the comments. May you never be plagued by these people.)

So, here it is, the night before the curtain rises on perhaps the greatest fiasco of my teaching career. I have not really touched the surface of the strategic planning and insanity that has gone into this. The lists of students to be checked and rechecked. The assignments of students who cannot attend any trip at all because they are on restriction (grades or behavior). The minute by minute planning that has had to be done to ensure that we get on those damn busses THE SECOND THEY ARRIVE to maximize travel time. The TWO new students that I got this week, one of which, I fear, is going to walk into my classroom TOMORROW MORNING during the Great Rush To The Busses and not have a permission slip so I won't be able to take her and where the hell do I send this poor kid? The uncertainty that there will be anyplace decent to eat our bag lunches after the performance because two of our four busses are leaving and returning at 1 pm to pick us up so we're stuck at the San Jose Center for the Performing Arts come hell or high water. The nail biting and sleep deprivation I've experienced because I'm terrified that we're going to arrive at this theater tomorrow and be told, "Oh, we started the performance 10 minutes ago and the doors are now closed."

I will run into traffic if that happens, I swear to you. I will.

Oh, and to top it all off with a cherry? It's quite possible that it will rain tomorrow. 300 people, without transportation, unable to enter the theater, stuck in the rain for 3 hours. THAT is my greatest fear. THAT is the worst case scenario. Pretty bleak, huh?

God help us all.

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03/16/2006: "One way or another"