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Wednesday, February 28th
Top Ten
Eighth grade in California requires a study of the Constitution. In some schools, so I've heard, this is no worse or more difficult than any other unit. Not so in my school. Where I teach, eighth graders have to endure the trial by fire known as "The Constitution Project". It is notorious. Dreaded by all (even the teachers), it is the number one thing that students entering the eighth grade say they're nervous about.
It's a monster.
The Constitution unit, which is about 5-6 weeks long, depending on your students, is a true pain in the neck for teachers. It is difficult material and somewhat tedious, despite the need to go at a breakneck pace to get through it all. We have a 30+ page booklet called "The 411 on the Constitution" that consists of worksheets and handouts - each kid gets one and at least two of your students lose theirs every year. The unit also requires the project, a combination of a 5-7 page essay, collage, newspaper articles and analysis, bibliography, etc etc etc, all presented in a lovely binder with title page, table of contents, numbered pages, decorative cover...
Or, you know. Not.
This is the third year I've done the project and certain trends have emerged. Here, then, are the top ten things that happen the day the Constitution project is due:
1) 20% of your kids are suddenly out sick.
2) At least three kids sit, stunned, when you collect the project and gasp, "It was due TODAY???"
3) Two kids insist you "never told me we had to do that" even though "that" (and every other requirement) is laid out specifically in the project outline that you've referred to daily for a month.
4) Four kids crowd into your room at lunch and beg to use the computers to type up something that should have been typed a week ago, because HI! The project is due today!
5) Two kids ask for extentions because "I was out sick last week" (and have been back for a week) despite the fact that the policy is that long term projects are due the day they're due no matter when you were out.
6) Special education assistants come in to your room to ask for extentions for *their* kids because they didn't have a clue how far behind the kids were on the project and now it's due. Whoops!
7) One students explains that he doesn't have a binder to put the work in and somehow missed that requirement despite the fact that (again) it's in the project outline, has been shown in the example projects and you've told students to bring their binders to class every day for a month.
8) One student argues with you heatedly about exactly what "due today" means. He is convinced that 11:59 pm is still acceptable and offers to email the project to you.
9) If looks could kill, you'd be dead ten times over because the only word you can say to students today is "No" and they hate you for it.
10) You start to wonder if making money as a subject for scientific experiments wouldn't just be easier than being a teacher.
Tomorrow: long overdue updates on the kitchen, the baby and more! Tonight I'm gonna go home and wish I could have a drink!
Posted by GoddessKristin on 02/28/07 at 02:21 PM [link]
Tuesday, February 20th
Love Letter
Dear The Police,
Ok, seriously? Stop messing with my mind. I mean it. I am in a relatively fragile state (i.e. 6 months pregnant) and telling me that Sting is going to be in my neighborhood with Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland and that you are once again calling yourselves The Police and will be playing together like good boys again? That is exciting news, fellas. Extremely exciting.
You see, you are my favorite 80's band. I can sing everything you recorded by heart, including a lot of the more obscure stuff ("Voices in My Head", anyone? That's a hard one to sing, as abstract as it is). Also, I think "Canary in a Coalmine" is brilliant. I can practically draw the cover of Synchronicity - and I can't actually draw - but I studied it very hard in high school. This may or may not have been because of Sting's very buff exposed chest (let's be honest, there's no question. It is because of that). You are deep (for an 80's band) and you are funny and you have a dark sense of humor and you are the best band of my teen years, bar none.
Testify!
I admit that much of my adoration is directed at your Tantricly hot lead singer, who is still Very Hot despite the fact that he's getting a little stringy in his more advanced years. But still. Sting is my first smoking hot love which probably will never fade. And I admit that I've seen him twice in concert, once at the Oakland Coliseum and once at a much smaller theater in Berkeley. And I have all of his music too and can sing it all and like it very much (although I'm not actually all that fond of that last album. Ten Summoner's Tales was way better but I think Nothing Like the Sun was your best).
I saw "Bring on the Night" at the theater and was very moved when Trudie had the baby. In retrospect I think maybe I didn't actually need to see that, but there it was, and I was 14 and hormonal (a state I have just now become reaquainted with) so it was moving. I watched Dune all the way through several times because of the scene in which Sting comes out of the shower in his electric blue padded bikini. Again, I was 14.
And it was an electric blue padded bikini, people. I rest my case.
Anyway.
But I've never seen The Police in concert because I was too young when Synchronicity came out and then you Never. Toured. Again. You broke my heart, Police. You really did. And then you spent years and years saying you would never tour again, uh uh, no way, gimme a break, it'll never happen, don't hold your breath, we hate each other, no.
Until last week.
When you annoounced your tour dates, the closest you were getting to me was Las Vegas, and that wasn't gonna happen. A trip to Vegas is not in the cards right now (see: pregnant, above, and all its expenses). I resigned myself to missing the greatest reunion tour... possibly ever... and quietly went about my business. It wasn't too hard to accept, although a bitter pill, and I only bitched about it a little bit.
And then you announced more tour dates. You bastards.
It tuns out that you're coming to Oakland, which is a mere 25 minute drive from me. Tickets go on sale this Friday. You will be within spitting distance of me and my furious red hot burning love of all things Police. You're gonna be here!
7 days after my due date. I will either have a newborn, be in the process of having a newborn or will be wishing to God that the newborn would just be born already. How can this be? Do you hate me? What is wrong with you?? Didn't you know? Didn't you take this into account? and if you didn't, why the holy hell not?
I am deeply hurt by your disregard for my intense and pressing need to see you in concert. I am drastically disappointed by your choice of date. I think maybe that you planned this to torture me. I am not above considering this a conspiracy. You are mean and hateful and also your tickets are too expensive. It might sort have been very difficult for me to actually obtain those tickets and probably I would have not gone through the effort to spend over $200 to be in a huge stadium with you. But YOU DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE. I might have been willing to go to the effort and expense. Possibly. You never know. The thing is that we will never know now because I cannot possibly buy $200 worth of tickets for a concert that occurs 7 days after my due date. That would pretty much guarantee that I would go into labor the morning of the damn concert now wouldn't it? Also, I don't think, even if I wasn't in labor, that standing around for hours at a concert 41 weeks pregnant would be good for anyone, least of all me. Additionally I may have already had the baby and, as much as I intend to expose her to your music, I don't think the decibels at a concert would be good for her at such a tender age.
All in all, it's a really bad time to come to town. You will be touring for months and months and months. Why did you have to pick June to come here?
Oh, I can't even think about this anymore. It just upsets me too much. Y'all are mean and as the bumper sticker says, "Mean people suck."
Kisses (tinged with tears),
Kristin
P.S. Of course, this will not preclude me from purchasing any CD that you might release that contains any live performances or new music. Heavens no, perish the thought. I just thought you might want to know how sad you made me. That's all. I still love you and you can come to my house any time for apperitifs and finger foods.
Posted by GoddessKristin on 02/20/07 at 01:35 PM [link]
Thursday, February 15th
I'm a bad bad girl
Ok, but it wasn't exactly my fault, I just want to start out by saying that. It wasn't my fault in a way that I'm having a hard time figuring out, but the fact is that it couldn't really be my fault, because... well, it couldn't.
See, it turns out I'm not a very good wife. At least in the romance sense. Because Dave kicked my ass in the Valentine's Day department.
First off, he ordered half a case of super special grape juice from Navarro winery. This stuff makes Martinelli's sparkling apple cider look like gas station sludge (and I like Martinelli's sparkling apple cider). My aunt lives near the winery and brought a bottle for Christmas since I can't have wine and it was fantastic - not wine-like, but the best grape juice you can imagine. Real grape juice, like from real grapes and not from Welch's. Anyway, you can't get it in stores, you have to go to the winery or mail order it and Dave mail ordered a bunch for me. So sweet! And he ordered it on Tuesday and it showed up on Wednesday so I have only nice things to say about their delivery too!
Then - and here's where I really fell down on the job - I didn't plan a damn thing for dinner. In my defense, we had decided last week that since Wednesdays are my late days at school I would actually make our fancy pants gourmet duck dinner on Sunday when I have sufficient time to prep (I'd do it Saturday, but we're having a 4D ultrasound on Saturday and about 8 people are coming with us so we're going to have dinner with them). But honestly, it wasn't one of my smoother moves not to plan anything for dinner on Valentine's Day. So at 5:30 pm Dave went to Raley's to pick up steaks and potatoes and salad. I know! I'm not a good person! I could have stopped at the store on the way home from work, but instead I sent Dave out at the last possible minute. And I don't actually feel quite as bad as I'm making it seem!
And then he brought home a balloon for me! A heart shaped balloon that wishes me a happy Valentine's Day and also assures me that I'm "hot". I think the balloon hasn't taken such a close look at me these days because even to a balloon, my belly cannot be said to be exactly "hot", but I appreciate the sentiment. The balloon has been a positive lure to the cats and a positive source of intese nerves to the dog so it's been entertaining for everyone.
To top it all off, because I wasn't feeling like a bad enough wife for totally blowing off the Wednesday Valentine's vibe, Dave actually bought me a present (I know! The nerve!). I've been watching Lydia Bastianich's new coooking series on PBS the last few weeks and pining for her third cookbook, so not only did Dave buy it for me, but he bought me Marcella Hazan's "Essentials of Italian Cooking". Hmmm... now that I think about it, perhaps this was a hint for me to start planning Valentine's dinners...
In any case, I was completely surprised and totally embarrassed because... you know. Empty handed. We usually don't make a big deal about Valentine's day. Before my dad died it was his birthday so I've always sort of thought of Valentine's Day as... nothing particularly special for me. It was always my Dad's day and that was fine. I'm not in the habit of having my act together for romance, I always had to have birthday wrapping paper, not hearts and flowers.
But that is a relatively lame excuse because I knew it was coming and my Dad's not here anymore, so basically I'm just lazy. And I sort of thought we were pushing everything off to the weekend so I could be lazy for a few more days. And I got caught out.
And I would feel worse about it than I actually do but... it was so nice to be spoiled that I don't really want to spoil it by kvetching. I figure it's enough to own up to being not so on-the-ball and waving my "My husband is so wonderful" flag. And he is, you know.
Posted by GoddessKristin on 02/15/07 at 08:07 AM [link]
Monday, February 12th
"There's something in there..."
This was a very lovely weekend. I spent much of it partaking in America's pasttime, shopping. The fact that I arrived home with many many bags full of goodies without doing any actual buying made the weekend even more fun (actually, I did a smidge of buying, but more on that later).
Saturday morning dawned rainy but that didn't deter my mother and me from driving 90 minutes to the Vacaville outlet stores. Now I've been bargain shopping with my mom before and God knows the woman can find a jem in a pile of crap faster than anyone I've ever seen but since we found out that the baby's a girl? She's been unstoppable. This baby has more clothes than Dave and I combined. Between the earlier post-holiday sales shopping trip with Mom, the recent blow-out with my aunt, the many handknits and handsewn items that my Mom saved from when I was a child and this past Saturday? There are clothes. Lordy lordy there are clothes. Each outfit cuter than the last. I go into the closet just to pull out the clothes to look at them. It's an absurd amount of clothes for a child who will not arrive for another 4 months.
And yet we bought more. Because when you find well-made, velvety sleepers for $3 each? You buy them. Oh yes you do. And when you find tee-tiny sneakers two for one? You buy two. Damn straight. As we told each other again and again, "We'd be stupid not to buy these!" And then we'd laugh and laugh because we were a little drunk with bargains.
Fourteen outfits later (and a few things for me at Motherhood Maternity because a naked me is not a pretty thing) we drove back home in the rain and... stopped at Babies 'R Us because... it was on the way home and somehow we were not completely babied out yet. It's a weakness and clearly we need help. But so much fun.
Yesterday Dave and I hit the mall, looking, in vain, for nursery furniture. JC Penney has what looks like some cute stuff in their catalogue, but I am loathe to buy without actually seeing it set up. Stability and all that. We tried to find a Penney's that has the furniture actually assembled, but... no dice. You must trust, I suppose, but really? I don't think I can do that.
We wound up just wandering the mall anyway, looking at.. yes, ok I admit it, looking at more baby clothes. But I didn't buy anything! I just found some stuff I intend to buy eventually like the cutest Robeez shoes you've ever seen and also maybe some tee-tiny Vans sneakers because they are TOO cute.
My name is Kristin and I'm a baby clothes-aholic. Hi Kristin!
We did purchase some valances for the dining room and living room windows, which is a decorating endeavor I'm pleased to finally be entering. Since we moved into the house I've been wanting something on those windows but haven't gotten around to it until now. Knowing that soon many people will be seeing my house because they want to see the baby has been a great spur to getting me going on fixing up the place.
We stopped for lunch and while noshing we attacked the ever controversial topic What Will We Name the Baby. People, we started this conversation at 3:30 and it didn't end for over three hours. There was debate, laughter and liberal use of the word "schwa". It never got ugly, but it did make me question my sanity when I couldn't put my finger on exactly why a name combination didn't work for me and it took me 10 minutes to figure out that it was because it rhymed for God's sake. The placeholder name "Madea" was used altogether too often for my comfort (don't worry, it's not in the running in any way).
In the end, a satisfactory name has been identified and, lo and behold, I still like it this morning! I think this is the winner. However, we're going to sit on it for a week or so, to let it mellow. So we're sure. Because you don't want to start telling people "This is my child's name" and then find a better one and have to have a do-over. It's just too confusing. Plus, I need to determine what snappy comebacks I can use for those who are less than enthusiastic in their support of the name. "Too bad" seems a bit... snippy.
As if it wasn't exciting enough to name and clothe my child in the same weekend, there was just a bit more to top off the weekend. While Dave and I were chatting in bed, I was able to guide his hand to just the right spot on my belly so that the baby gave him some good whacks. Usually she is a tremendous pain about this - kicks, kicks and then stops just as you get your hand in the right spot. This was the first time he'd felt her and it was amazing. He gasped and you should have seen his face - totally worth every 3 am run to the bathroom from October to now and every one to come. I can't begin to describe what it was like to finally share this with him. You feel these things and try to describe them and involve your husband in as much as you can but it's hard, you know? What's too much information and what couldn't make sense no matter how eloquent you are? There are no words to describe the feeling of a live human being shifting around inside you so how could I really convey it? The only way to come close is for him to feel it himself and the fact that he finally could made me so happy. I got to share the most exciting thing in my life with the most important person in my life and I can't ask for anything more than that.
It was a little funny when Dave breathed, "There's really something in there..." because... weren't you at the ultrasound? But I knew exactly what he meant. All the medical technology in the world can't make it more real than getting physically jostled by your actualy, real, physical child.
It's awesome in the true and pre-Valley Girl sense of the word. Just... awesome.
Posted by GoddessKristin on 02/12/07 at 02:41 PM [link]
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Notes from a Yarn Hacker
