Beautiful Bad Day

Last Friday Dessa and I were having sort of a Bad Day. You know the kind. One of those days when your toddler's main utterance is, "I WAAAANT _______________". Fill in the blank and take your pick. At any given time it might have been any or all of the following list: Oatmeal, cookie, cracker, toast, raisin, Elmo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, doggie, milk, zoo book, see Nana, ride Howard, balloon, Daddy, cheese, water plants, fruit & yogurt, Riley, blanket, up, down, remote, bath, nigh-night (but she lies. She doesn't really want to go nigh-night. It's all a cruel hoax), TV, go inside, go outside, this one, that one... god I can't even remember what all else. That's only a small sample of all the things she can and does demand. At will, and at all times.

Language explosion indeed.

More often than not, because I actually don't like her at all and enjoy hearing her cry, my answer had to be no. After one hunk of cheese, another is not OK. We cannot see Daddy now because he is busy making money to purchase more cheese. We saw Nana yesterday. Riley is not interested in seeing you, so leave his poor tail alone. We have read the zoo book nine times in the last 20 minutes and Mommy's brain is leaking out her ear so maybe we could try a different tome this time. We will have a bath later. Too much TV rots your fragile little brain. I know you are lying about wanting to go nigh-night, so don't even ask. I won't be fooled again.

It gets draining, this constant thwarting of the will. Finally I convinced her that she'd said she wanted to go outside, and I wanted to go outside, so let's just man up and go outside fer Chrissake.

Once there I was able to amuse her with extended Plant Watering Time. She's very helpful, this child of mine, so much so that possibly our plants will drown here in California. Difficult to imagine but true. She is adamant about which plants need what water. I do a lot of fake watering.

Afterwards I set a lounge chair in the shade and directed Art Time. This is my half-assed attempt to stimulate Dessa's drawing talents. Having no such talents of my own I have absolutely no idea what would encourage them in my daughter, so I simply hand over the recycled lunch meat container full of sidewalk chalk and let her at it.

On this particular day I was commanded to spell her name a few times in chalk, to draw the letter B ad infinitum ("Again! Again! Again!") and to inscribe several numbers out of sequence. Finally she took over. After a few lazy swipes at the ground with her chalk, Dessa looked for a new canvas. With a chunk of chalk in each fist she began wandering the yard scratching lines onto any surface that pleased her. Her Cozy Coupe was duly decorated, and her plastic kitchen. Then, logically, she turned to my plastic lounge chair.

A quick scratch on the armrest pleased her. A few more and she was hooked. She orbited my chair and scritch-scratched quietly on the plastic. At first I protested but then figured it was easy enough to wipe off, so what was the big deal?

Until she began to draw on me. My arms got a quick anointing and I quickly protested. "No, Dess. Mommy doesn't need chalk all over her."

More chalk lines on the arm.

"No honey. Please don't draw on Mommy."

Another line.

"Dessa. No. I don't..."

And then I stopped myself. Somewhere I remembered that once, a long time before Dessa, I swore I would try very hard only to tell my kids "no" when it mattered, so that the word actually meant something. I was so damn sick of hearing myself say no that day that I could barely stand being around me. So I stopped. After all, I was going to shower anyway, right? And chalk isn't going to hurt me. And I sort of wanted to see where she'd go with this.

Quietly I watched her work. She was surprisingly focused. A swipe here but not there. Pink this time, then white. Then she'd switch arms. My legs got the treatment too. Once I got over my automatic "no", it was interesting to watch her.

Finally I quietly asked her, "Dessa? What are you doing?"

She lifted her head and looked right into my eyes. I wish I could convey just how sincere she sounded when she replied: "Make boo-ful".

And she does.
Posted by GoddessKristin on 04/20/09 at 08:21 PM [link] [1 Comment - Go read it!]

I thought I was tech savvy. I was wrong.

Therefore I should never be allowed within 5 feet of my camera and its "format card" option EVER AGAIN.

Pictures will resume as soon as they are recovered. And by that I mean as soon as Dave spends an insane amount of time fixing my incredible stupidity. And by incredible I mean... well you can imagine.
Posted by GoddessKristin on 04/16/09 at 06:47 PM [link] [2 Comments - Read 'em!]

That's My Girl

This morning when I went to raise Dessa from her slumber (at 6:15 am which - damn, it's still DARK then!) she greeted me with the ringing endorsement...

"Oooooh! Mickey Mouse!"

That's my baby!
Posted by GoddessKristin on 04/09/09 at 11:13 AM [link]

So You've Decided It's Spring

Well howdy little gardener! Hey, have you noticed a certain change in the air? Warmer temperatures? Butterflies? And have you noticed Mother and Father digging in your backyard? Those are sure signs of spring and I'm here to tell you that this is the very best time to make a perfect nuisance of yourself! All it takes it a little effort and know how! Let's get started!

Sometimes it takes a lot of work to accomplish the smallest thing, especially when you're little. There's a right way and a wrong way to do everything you know, and each day is a new chance to spread your wings and try anew. Take for instance that favorite activity of the social set, sitting down.

First, of course, you have to set up your chair.

This takes a lot more time than you'd think. First you have to find just the right spot for the chair. The best spot, obviously, is right in the middle of whatever your parents are trying to do at that very moment. They're not paying any attention to you! That will never do! If you see that they're trying to stage plants for the garden, for instance, make sure to drag your chair right in the middle of that. They'll certainly love you for it! Then be sure to yell a lot in frustration while you move the chair around. When Mother or Father try to help you, scream "No!" That will surely get your message across.

Once you've found center stage, the next step is to laboriously climb into the chair.



Make sure to call a lot of attention to yourself while you're doing this. That way you'll ensure that Mother's heart is in her throat for the entire duration of your acrobatics. After all she didn't spend a fortune on that concrete just so you could effortlessly not crack your skull on it! Be sure to take at least 3 times as long as a normal person to settle yourself in your seat. Mother judges your love for your chair by how much climbing you do on it, after all!

Now, look who's a big girl!



After having spent at least 5 full minutes monkeying around with the process of getting into the chair, be sure to sit there for only 6 seconds before sprinting off to your next Mission of Danger. It wouldn't do to let Mother and Father feel comfortable with your status for too long, right? Those parents of yours need to be kept on their toes! They have nothing else to do and it's your job to keep them occupied. What a fine helper you are! Why, at this rate the tomatoes will all be planted by September!

After rushing out of your seat there's plenty more to do so let's get cracking!



Make certain to misuse any and all toys available to you. Plastic gardening tools make for fine Cat Frightening Equipment and should be wielded menacingly at all opportune moments. The cat simply adores being poked and prodded as you well know, and Mother and Father couldn't be prouder of your budding Cat Torturing Skills.



Ha ha! Where are you going, cat? Come on back for rollicking plastic rake fun! There's plenty more to dole out and you know you secretly love the attention!



If for some unfathomable reason the cat decides that hiding is more fun that being raked, add the alarmingly green plastic hoe to your arsenal and follow him everywhere. He'll learn!

After Cat Scaring Time, it's probably good to take a little break.



If you do intend to spend any time in your chair, be certain to discard your sunglasses and hat immediately. Mother dearly loves to see you squint, and your fair skin requires a daily dose of irradiated sunlight. If Mother has the unmitigated gall to attempt to resettle a hat upon your head, a howl and a kick will generally set her straight. Silly Mother - take that!

If you closely follow these directions, you too can have a wonderful time in the yard and ensure that Mother and Father accomplish next to nothing in your wake! Enjoy!
Posted by GoddessKristin on 04/05/09 at 10:27 PM [link]