Hello

I learned that I was pregnant with Dessa on September 24, 2006. I was simultaneously thrilled, terrified, anxious, worried and in awe.

That feeling hasn't stopped, though Dess is almost 18 months old.

If I could have asked for anything when I first saw that second line on the pregnancy test, I would have asked for reassurance that I would get to meet my child. I understood that a positive pregnancy test doesn't mean that you're really going to have a baby. It's no promise that you're really going to see and hold and get to know a child. Things happen, sometimes really bad things.

Sometimes really good things.

I wanted reassurance that things were OK, that I would get to meet this baby. And of course I didn't get that reassurance, not then. Nobody gets that reassurance until long after they need it.

When I found out I was pregnant what I really wanted was for my baby to make contact - to somehow communicate with me, to tell me that all was well, that I could relax, that it was all real and fine and good. I wanted a friendly "Hello!"

It took 2 years, 1 month, 3 weeks and a day, but I finally got my "Hello" on Sunday night.

Posted by GoddessKristin on 11/19/08 at 11:30 PM [link]

As Long As She's Happy

I do not know what it is about Riley that cracks Dessa's shit up so much, but I'm grateful for it, whatever it is.

Riley is possibly the biggest pain in the ass you can imagine, feline-wise, but he's so oddly mellow about the weirdest things. Of our three cats, Riley is the only one who is the least bit interested in Dessa and he's been interested in her (remotely... and very VERY carefully) since the day we brought her home from the hospital. He inadvertently helped her with her mobility (which I suspect he is really regretting now) and he seems to understand that she needs to explore boundaries. But he reigns her in on occasion when she's getting a little too enthusiastic. For example, he lets her pound on his side with her open palm when she's excited to see him, but he gently and firmly swipes at her (no claws) if she gets pokey with her fingers in his face. He could, on these occasions, get up and leave, but usually he doesn't. He puts up with her - I can't explain why. Heaven knows I would go upstairs and lounge around on the master bed where she couldn't find me if I had that choice, and God knows if I tried to pull what Dessa does I would have to invest in Band-Aid stock because Riley would rip me to shreds, but somehow? He knows she's just a little girl and he cuts her some slack.

She loves him and in his way? I think maybe he loves her too...

Posted by GoddessKristin on 11/13/08 at 10:28 PM [link]

Bittersweet Victory

I have never been moved by elections. I have never been excited about a candidate. I've never looked forward to voting.

Obama changed all of that.

When McCain began his concession speech last night, I was shocked. I hadn't expected it to happen so soon - if I even dared to hope for it at all. I had expected a very long evening indeed. A closer race. More controversy. Possible court intervention. I was in tears and kept repeating, "Oh my God! He won! He WON!" It was so easy.

And then I saw how California was voting for Prop 8 and I was appalled.

I want to be excited today. I want to be truly thrilled. But I'm not as happy as I want to be because my gay friends are having rights taken away and I can't stand for that. I want to walk around with a huge grin and a feeling that real change is coming. But that feeling is muted because religion and fear and right wing idiocy continue in this country. The gay marriage ban - a constitutional BAN - sickens me and I hope it sickens you.

Obama's victory gave me chills last night. But it can only be a first step in the right direction on a long journey. Prop 8 gives me chills of a very different kind.
Posted by GoddessKristin on 11/05/08 at 10:13 AM [link]

Halloween Update

Just a couple of quickie pics today, as I have no real time for an update, but here is Dessa in all her Halloween Butterfly glory...

She did a tiny bit of trick-or-treating and came to school for our festival and loved that. She adored this costume, especially when she realized that she had wings. Fun stuff.

And here is the picture that Social Services will use to confirm how unfit we are as parents.



Yes, those are real snakes. Yes, there are 2 of them. Why are there 2 live snakes on my daughter's lap, you ask?

Why because the third one wasn't available for pictures, of course.
Posted by GoddessKristin on 11/01/08 at 08:26 PM [link]